still hanging in there

Since no one reads this I can get all my feeling out in one place. Jaxson is now 14 months old, I should be used to being a mom of 2, but I still feel upset. I love him, I would cut my arm off to save him, but I miss it being just me and Ally. She is now 6, she's super independent. Jaxson has needs and wants that only I can fulfill, from day one it's been a headache. It started with my horrible pregnancy, him coming early, reflux, astma, then countless ear infections that resulted in tubes. He was 12 months before we had a normal check up. Do I feel guilty about typing this, YES!!! Would I utter a word of this to anyone NO!!! Do I feel better for post this into cyberland OMG YES!!!!
Now I will slip becak into this mommy to a toddler role I was threw into kicking and screamimg.

22 weeks

All the bad stuff seemed to calm down. We now know we are having a boy to be named Jaxson Taylor Kennedy, I know know I'm over being pregnant ....not that I was ever into it. I'm huge, but I've only gained 3lbs.

see...........the picture above

Ally is getting used to the idea that it's a boy. 4 more months. Everyone around me is excited, and I'm still blah. I'm wondering am I having ppd just the pre version? does that exist??Don't get me wrong I love this baby, And I'm excited to hold him.

ummm

So this pregnancy has been anything ,but smooth. That being said The last week or so has been uneventfut and I'm loving it(along with cantolope). I started back at the gym even though I've only been released for treadmil, and 10 pounds. No real weight gain,but my clothes no longer fit, and My face is rounder.
I go on July 7th to see the gender, I dont care what it is, But I will be glad to stop calling It It. Daniel wants a boy, but he says he'll be happy with what ever (like he has a choice at this point.)

At one point I could have swore my life was out of control, but the last few weeks I'm been gaining control slowly how you ask? By couponing and stocking up on baby items , early I know But I do know i'll need 1 million packs of diapers and the normal baby gear So i've been buying as I get coupons for them hopefully it's not a sensitive butt because I sear i've been buying what ever I have a coupon for.

My lil supermodel Has been my rock lil helping when she can. Yesterday she swept the kitchen floor granted she made a bigger mess but it was so super sweet.

better

Today I feel better, went to my grandma's and sit on her couch for a change of pace. Being at my grandma's I ate 3 meals today, Ally got to play outside, and I got a lil peace. Daniel comes home in 3 days, the whole week is packed with wedding things:(.

Speaking of weddings I've spent so much for my lil Angel to be in this wedding,and the sad part is I'm unsure if the marriage will work out. I mean come on I just sent a $45 check for her to be done. I'm not sure if she has $45 worth of hair.

One week til my doctor appointment to hopefully get off bed rest then probab;y new obgyn shopping

dont know what to title this ....random bitching

Ok I know I haven't been on bedrest for long ,but I would starve to death if I didn't get up and fend for myself. My mom bless her heart comes over for 5 mins in the morning and dresses Ally then leaves. Me and Ally chill for about 4 hours, and then I'll get a phone call are you hurting, um no ok . then it's me and Ally again. My Grandma will walk over every other day, and bring something random like a donut for Ally. My dad comes over around 6pm when he gets off work hangs out for a few minutes then goes and gets us food. Good thing for poptarts and dry cereal(since i'm out of milk)

I was Kicking and Screaming now I'm just laid up

So about a month or so ago I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked, stunned, and a Lil pissed.
The first 2 weeks go by with me complaining about my over protective overly excited husband. The next 2 weeks go by with me puking, napping and growing a Lil excited for my first ultrasound.
The day of the ultrasound I got me and ally dressed(Daniel is able to dressed his self). Laid on the table inserted the dildo ultrasound machine in my whohoo, seen my Cletus the fetus moving all around, It suddenly felt real I wanted to start shopping and telling the world.
One week go by and I go to my doctor's appointment, I had no complaints, except that I thought I was getting an yeast infection.They asked if I had any spotting, nope. Any cramping, a Lil but that's to be expected since my stuff is moving all around. Now my doctor was out of town all week so she did my exam, umm no yeast infection. She tells me she wants to look at my ultrasound since she hasn't seen it yet. When she came back in I was on bed rest Moderate Sub-Chorionic Bleed is what I was told. Told me to come back in 2 weeks and do another ultrasound and we'll go from there.
That was Monday I went home laid on the couch, cried off and on then I googled ,never do that all that will do is convince you that you have no hope and are dying lol. Tuesday I had to go to the DMV, had a Lil lunch then went home and laid on the couch. Wednesday I rode the electric wheelchair to get easy food, went home and laid on the couch. Wednesday night Daniel left for work. Today has been a long day me and my four year old home alone all day and me on the couch.
Trying to stay positive, but now those not a problem cramps worry me. I worry about my daughter, how will this affect her.

life turned up side down

I found out I was pregnant. Now I have bad female problems, and was on birth control. I think I'm going to start blogging about my story about being drug in to infant hood again kicking and screaming